the gentle fears that rock my soul

summer yet in the air

   confidence and immortal thoughts
    soon to be shattered to the ground
      pounced
   crushed
mortality arises

chaos and fear

incessant fear
ignorance is bliss
indeed
and the leaves fall gently to the ground
and i crumble like an old leaf
on the pavement…
                                   again

 the days blend into night

death becomes me
dastardly death
where was it all along
this thing called death
again i crumble and fail
did I say fail?
                  fall i meant

 winter rages

wintery sleepless nights
of snow and insanity
dragging my feet I arrive resigned
of the deaths that come my way
i say little and comprehend less
did i say ignorance is bliss…
no longer
illuminated on all signifiers this death word means?

 

i channel avoidance and complaisance

i won’t let it touch me
until it does and i crumble yet again

 how long this winter is

this dreadful cold frozen winter
i’m underground
there, in the place we all go to
i’m dead and deaf, mostly numb and cold

 

a slap in the face and i awake again
out of shock and into life and learning
i learn with life and i learn with death
out of a soporific stupor
winter persists

                        i’m no more and yet present

bodies and life surround my shed self

provide a warmth long absent
deep cognizance in hollowed grounds
death is no more and yet persists
with me with all

spring arrives brooding

pregnant with life and rain
could it be me crying?
of loss, of longing, fear again
no more a slave
i grew inches feet
all inside my soul

the thunder reminds me that i have a voice

the rain tells me it’s ok to cry
the losses whisper long after they’re gone
i have inside each of my cells a little
of all of who touched me
i’m whole, full of memories and gifts
and learning
                       i will do